Salesman: [Ignoring me while rearranging stacks of shirts]
Me: Hi, I want to buy a tuxedo. Looking for a slim fit in a 34″ jacket.
Salesman: [Without even looking up from his shirts.] The smallest jacket I have is a 38″.
Me: I’m looking for a tux.
Me: Yes — slim fit, 34″ jacket.
Salesman: We don’t carry 34″ jackets. Try on this 36″ — See? Now we can do a bunch of alterations and it’ll look roughly like this. [scrunching up the back] You’ll look great.
Me: I want to buy a tuxedo. I need a 34″ jacket.
Salesman: Really? I’m sure a 36″ jacket would look just fine on you — here, just try it on.
Me: Okay, but I’m serious: I want a 34″ jacket.
Salesman: Well, I think the 36″ looks fine, but since you insist, go ahead and try on this 34″ jacket. It’s not a tux (we don’t have any 34″ tuxes), but at least we’ll . . . HOLY COW!! That looks AMAZING! That’s off the rack and it fits you PERFECTLY — I can’t believe it.
Chorus of other salesmen: Wooaahh.
Tailor: You look gorgeous.
Me: [Letting that “I told you so” moment sink in]
Salesman: I’m calling Germany to see if they will make you a 34″ tuxedo. In the meantime, here’s every other 34″ jacket in the store, and a bunch of shirts; this tie would look awesome; oh, and have you ever worn a pocket square?