Okay, so I move to Seattle in the springtime when it’s raining all the time and I’m criticized for using an umbrella. Because why use a device that was invented — and used by the rest of the civilized world — to stay dry when you can just be damp all the time? “Don’t worry,” said everyone, “you’ll get used to it, and the summers are great!”
Now it’s summer and everyone’s walking around congratulating themselves and saying, “See? What did we tell you? Isn’t this the best thing ever?” And I respond politely and say something like, “Well, it’s certainly better than the rain!” or “I’m loving this sunshine!” but you know what I’m really thinking deep down inside? NO, THIS IS NOT THE BEST THING EVER! It’s the middle of July and the high temperatures still barely break 80 degrees during the day, and even when they do, the warmth is only in the sun: sit for five minutes in the shade and you’ll get hypothermia if you aren’t wearing a sweatshirt.
And then — THEN! — after spending your so-called “beautiful summer day” wondering if you’re ever going to feel warm again in this life, you go home and discover that your apartment is 30 degrees warmer than it is outside! Don’t believe me? Consider my current thermostat reading:
That’s right — it’s 87 degrees in my apartment right now on a night when it will drop to 57 degrees outside. And no, because of the stupid design of the windows, which generate zero circulation, the apartment won’t get cooler as the night progresses: the temperature in this apartment hasn’t fallen below 86 degrees since I got home from Japan almost two weeks ago. I’m not even exaggerating for the blog. I spend all day long freezing at work, and then I come home and spend all night sweating in bed unable to sleep.
I mention this situation to everyone in Seattle, including my landlord: “Oh, apartments in Seattle don’t have air conditioning.” Why not? “Because you don’t need it here!” Um, what part of my apartment is nearing 90 degrees makes you think that I don’t need air conditioning? “Well, okay, you might want air conditioning once or twice a year, but you really don’t need it.”
Which is total B.S. because I’ve wanted air conditioning every day for the last two weeks, and we’ve still got a lot of summer left! So either people don’t know how to count, or they think that wanting air conditioning continuously throughout the entire summer counts as wanting it only once. And obviously I’m not the only one who thinks it’s hot enough for air conditioning! I went to Target today to buy some fans and discovered that their entire inventory is sold out and has been for days. Why? Because all the Seattleites who pretend that you don’t need air conditioning here actually want air conditioning and are just as hot and sweaty as I am! For crying out loud!
Seriously, Seattle, why do you hate modern technology and advanced civilization so much? We can get the most pretentious coffee in the world and outdoor gear that is engineered to within an inch of your life, but we can’t use freaking umbrellas or air conditioning or windows that open wide enough to ventilate? This is no way to live.