One of the fun things about being the out-of-town bachelor friend of an unmarried high school teacher (i.e., Amanda) is that I am the object of intense interest among her students. My “celebrity” amongst the high school drama crowd has been amusing Amanda and me for years now, and this morning Amanda posted another funny post. I’ve reproduced it here in full, with commentary (of course) from yours truly:
Me: I’m sorry, I forgot to bring something from home for Show and Tell. Here (digging in my pocket) you can see a photo from my phone, if you like. I have a picture of my parents, of some of the kids I taught in Thailand, of this Incan-
Students: (Interrupting) Show us Jason!
Students: Yeah! Show us Jason!
(Note: They collectively forgot 40% of their theater vocabulary words over the summer, but this they retain with perfect clarity.)
Me: Um, okay then. Here. (Flipping through the pictures) Here’s a picture of him in Turkey. (I hand my phone to the student next to me. They instantly flock around it.)
Cody (a girl): He looks like a goob!
Me: What’s a goob?
Cody: You know… a goob.
Me: (looks confused)
Cody: Like Zach. (points at Zach)
[JJD: Wait, no one else knows what Zach’s like! The Urban Dictionary uses the words “awkward and weird,” “peanut head,” and “ridiculous” in defining “goob,” though. Poor Zach!]
Me: No, he’s not a goob.
Kailey: Yeah. He looks more like a nerd. That’s okay though, Ms. Waterhouse.
Me: (Thinking about it) I’m actually probably more nerdy than he is.
[JJD: They only believed that because they don’t know about the 11 bottles of fountain pen ink sitting in my drawer.]
Alana: Tell us about him!
Randy: Yeah, it’s Show and Tell. Tell us about him.
Me: What do you want to know?
Alana: Where did you meet him?
Me: At a dance in college.
Katie: What does he do?
Me: He’s a lawyer.
Students: A lawyer?
Kailey: Oh, then he’s not a nerd. Lawyers are, like, hardcore.
[JJD: This one should get an A.]
Cody: Yeah, they’re real.
[JJD: True. But are we hot like vampires and werewolves? Hard to say…]
Ali: You should invite him to Homecoming!
Steven: Call him up right now and ask him.
[JJD: Because that wouldn’t be awkward.]
Me: He’s a work right now.
Zach: So are you! Call him!
Kailey: At least get married to him, Ms. Waterhouse.
Me: We’re just friends.
Cody: That can change.
Kate: Yeah, what if he was, like, dying and he then he like, realized that he loved you, and then he called you up and was all like (in a deep voice), “Miss Waterhouse, I’m dying. I love you. Let’s get married.”
Me: (Laughing too) I like how you think he calls me “Miss Waterhouse,” Kate.
[JJD: Looks like somebody’s got a new blog alias!]
Students (including Kate): (Laugh)Me: Yes, and I call him “Mr. Davis.”
Katie and Alana: Like Mr. Darcy!
Katie: He could be your Mr. Darcy, Miss Waterhouse.
[JJD: I like the casting choice, but this is never going to work unless I have an adequate Pemberly, complete with a pond that I can be climbing out of (in dripping trowsers and undershirt) just when Miss Waterhouse arrives…]