Hannah Gadsby’s “Nanette”is hands down the best comedy routine I’ve ever seen.  It’s wildly funny, powerfully furious, and deeply personal.  I may have snorted milk through my nose more than once (in retrospect, watching over a dinner of cold cereal might not have been the best idea), but I definitely came away with something to think about in relation to comedy, art history, feminism, homosexuality, mental illness, storytelling, and being human.  I literally clapped at the end.  Alone.  In my flat.  Clapping for a Tasmanian lesbian streaming through my laptop.

I instantly started sharing:  Amanda — sent!  Justin — sent!  Family facebook group — ack!

I had pasted the link into the family feed and was about to hit send . . . when I paused.  Hard to say why.  Did I want them to watch the show?  Absolutely.  Did I think they’d enjoy it?  I certainly hoped so, but I honestly couldn’t say.  Some of them might like it — parts, at least.  Some of them might feel indifferent.  Some of them might even find it upsetting.  I realized that I don’t actually know, and that part of me would actually rather not find out.  Because even though the performance covers topics that resonate with me, that I identify with, and that I care about — and on which I would really like to feel some sort of connection with my family — deep down I fear that by sharing I would actually discover that some of those things are offensive or repulsive or simply not valued by people I really love; and that for them, watching the show wouldn’t bring laughter or connection but possibly anger and distance.

So I deleted the post.

This is not the first time I have done that.  Better not to share.  Not to rock the boat.  Not to be vulnerable.

But I also don’t think that’s actually fair to my family.  I’ve essentially prejudged them and, by removing the possibility of conflict and disappointment, I have also removed the possibility of connection and understanding.

So I’m putting it here.  A sort of halfway share.  And I’ll leave it at that for now.

P.S. If you don’t have Netflix, here’s a link to the trailer on YouTube.