Salesman:  [Ignoring me while rearranging stacks of shirts]

Me:  Hi, I want to buy a tuxedo.  Looking for a slim fit in a 34″ jacket.

Salesman:  [Without even looking up from his shirts.]  The smallest jacket I have is a 38″.

Me:  I’m looking for a tux.

Salesman:  Trendy?

Me:  Yes — slim fit, 34″ jacket.

Salesman:  We don’t carry 34″ jackets.  Try on this 36″ — See?  Now we can do a bunch of alterations and it’ll look roughly like this. [scrunching up the back]  You’ll look great.

Me:  I want to buy a tuxedo.  I need a 34″ jacket.

Salesman:  Really?  I’m sure a 36″ jacket would look just fine on you — here, just try it on.

Me:  Okay, but I’m serious:  I want a 34″ jacket.

Salesman:  Well, I think the 36″ looks fine, but since you insist, go ahead and try on this 34″ jacket.  It’s not a tux (we don’t have any 34″ tuxes), but at least we’ll . . . HOLY COW!!  That looks AMAZING!  That’s off the rack and it fits you PERFECTLY — I can’t believe it. 

Chorus of other salesmen:  Wooaahh.

Tailor:  You look gorgeous.

Me:  [Letting that “I told you so” moment sink in]

Salesman:  I’m calling Germany to see if they will make you a 34″ tuxedo.  In the meantime, here’s every other 34″ jacket in the store, and a bunch of shirts; this tie would look awesome; oh, and have you ever worn a pocket square?